By Stephen Bloom | December 24, 2009
Santa’s Village, North Pole - Handing victory to a coalition of environmental groups, a judge in the Northern District today issued an emergency injunction against the traditional Christmas Eve flight of Santa’s reindeer herd.
The temporary restraining order cites a “substantial likelihood of irreparable atmospheric harm” arising from “high altitude carbon emissions” and bans further reindeer flights until full environmental impact studies can be completed, a process that could take up to five years.
Green leaders praised the ruling off the record, but few were willing to make public statements.
“We understand the potential backlash,” said one unnamed U.S. environmental official reached in Copenhagen, where he remained stranded by a blizzard after the recent climate conference, “It’s never popular to ruin a holiday for millions of children around the world - but it’s the right thing to do, given the unknowns and the potential that even modest quantities of deer carbon in the stratosphere could accelerate the pace of global warming.”
In a hastily called press conference, Santa’s lawyer, Herb Elf, promised a swift appeal. “Clearly, Santa is disappointed,” said Elf, “We’ve got piles of toys everywhere and no way to get them delivered.”
URGENT UPDATE - December 24, 2009 - 3:25 P.M. EST - Multiple officials are confirming that an emergency panel of the Polar Circuit Court of Appeals has just lifted the lower court’s injunction against reindeer flight. Other sources report Santa himself was seen leaving an appellate courtroom looking jolly and shouting, “Ho, ho, ho, Merry Christmas!”
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